Let your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No’; anything more than this comes from the evil one.
So there’s an article floating around the internet currently, by Mark Manson. And while the title is overly blunt and may offend some sensibilities (along with some of the article contents), I really do feel it has some very valid and pertinant points, suggestions for premartial relations aside.
(the article, in question: http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes/)
In the article, Manson points out that, for those in the dating area, lots of our advice is about dealing with grey areas, and suggests that if you’re in a grey area, you’re already lost. In a sense, whole point of the article is about letting your yes be yes, and your no be no, akin to Jesus’s words on the Sermon of the Mount in Matthew 5:37.
Ambiguity is BAD in dating, unless it’s in the form of playful innuendo. One should always know explicitly where you stand. It will lessen your mistakes. Actually, Ambiguity is rather bad in most things. If you think you’re in “the friendzone” (as much as I hate that bloody term) with someone–ask them! For all you know, they’ve been waiting for you to make a move. Or not. At the very least, you’ll know where you stand, and that’s better than endless wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Suppose you meet someone. You get to know them for a while, and dance around the topic,a nd flirt a little bit, but at the same time, you wonder if this is going to be a thing. You can either sit back and keep dancing around it, or you can be up front. Is there someone you like? Approach them, and ask.
But don’t be ambigious. And I highly reccomend that you don’t be with someone simply to “settle”. Nobody deserves to be the one you settle for. They should be someone you’re absolutely crazy about, someone who you’d move mountains for. If there’s someone around that you feel merely lukewarm about, don’t hurt them by being lukewarm. Let your yes be yes, “let’s do this”, or let your no be “no, let’s not.” People will get severely hurt otherwise.
As Orthodox, we know what happens to lukewarm people. It states it clearly in Revelations 3:15-16
I know your works; you are neither cold nor hot. I wish that you were either cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
So: Don’t be lukewarm. Choose. Decide. And don’t “settle” for someone less than you feel would be an amazing partner. Ambiguity is not attractive. This is good, actually, in all aspects of your life, whether romantic, career, or family life.