“A relationship is as much about nurturing the space between two people, as it is about nurturing closeness between two people. This goes for any relationship, but is espeically true, I think, of romantic ones.”–Me, in the last post.
Now, I know what I said doesn’t make a lot of sense off the cuff. One would imagine that closeness, and simularity is what you should be striving for in any given relationship, especially one which you’re hoping could lead to a stroll around a table a few times. After all, the point of the marriage ritual is so that two people become unified as one, right?
Theologically, yes, but socially, I think not. I have noticed in my past experiences that it is hard to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be exactly like you, who wants to do everything with you, who wants to be a part of EVERYTHING that you’re doing. And while snuggling together in the couch reading books sounds wonderful, the practicality is that it’s really hard to snuggle and hold a book open at the same time. (I guess you COULD do it if you were both reading kindles, which strike me as something you could do with a single hand, but who has money for two of them?)
The best relationships I’ve had were with people with very different interests than mine. They came from a different viewpoint of the world, and this made things interesting and engaging. That being said, I don’t reccomend running off to date a Pagan, simply for the different viewpoint, what I mean is different interests.
For example: my last relationship. My last ex taught me a great many things about Marine Biology, for example–something I never really prevously had an interest in, and it ended up becoming something I dabble in myself time to time. And while, in the end, that interest led to our downfall as a couple (since there’s not much in the way of ocean here in Arizona’s wine country), this unique interest of hers, and the passionate way she talked about it made her more interesting than the woman I otherwise generally found myself encountering in day-to-day life. It made her distant from me and my interest at times. It kept her busy. There were days where we were too busy to talk, but when we talked again, it made things interesting, and continuously refreshing. The distance in speech, aided in our closeness. (as did her passion for the subject.)
Don’t look for a carbon copy of yourself, gentlemen. Look for a woman who, like yourself, has cool and interesting hobbies. You can teach each other. And the fact of the matter is that you can’t do everything together. Take some time apart now and then to do your own little things (or big things, if you work at two different places)–then come back and while she talks about her time studying Quantum Physics, you can ramble on about sedimentary deposition in the Grand Canyon. Why? Because your own passions for unique subjects will make you more interesting than those around you.
To have a proper relationship means nurturing some of the differences between the two of you. By nurturing these differences, you nurture the distance–and the uniqueness of each person, thus making the relationship more whole. Rather than two half-people involved, you have two entirely seperate and unique people involved.
…Somehow this ended up being not at all what I was going to talk about, and a rambling ramble, but there you have it. The last week has been…a bit odd, with some odd discoveries, so i apologise for the awkward structure of this post. Next up: Why Relationships need work, and why it’s a good thing to remember it.